10 Step To Helping Your Teen Deal With Peer Pressure

As mothers of younger children, we think we have seen everything. We have dealt with skinned knees, messy houses, and sibling squabbles. Some day I may write a book on each of these. As you go through these problems, they seem so difficult, so trying. As my kids move towards their teenage years, I now realize that those problems were easy to deal with compared to what lies ahead.

When you are a parent of a young child, almost every problem can be kissed or hugged away, but with a teenager, the problems are much, much bigger!

The issues that face teenagers, drugs, alcohol abuse, teen pregnancy, smoking, aren't quite so easy to solve. These problems need a well thought out plan to address their many complexities.

When our children are young, we spend a great deal of time teaching them "right" from "wrong". We hope that someday these lessons will help them make the right decisions. In many cases they will, but as the issues become more complex, right and wrong aren't always so easy to identify. The following ten steps will help you and your teen create a strategy to deal with the issues surrounding peer pressure when they come up.

1. Who am I really?: One of the biggest things a teen is trying to figure out is who they really are. A lot of the information they use to figure this out comes from other teens. This may not be the best source of information for your teen to use. Spend time talking to your teen. Get the to visualize and verbalize who they want to be and what they believe in. You need to help them really understand what their belief system is and why it is important to them. Then, whenever they have to make a decision, have them ask themselves if their decision fits the picture of who they want to be.

2. Know what you are getting into: Any time your teen leaves the house, make sure that the both of you know what you are getting into. Ask as many questions as you need to until you are both comfortable that your teen will be safe. This is not the time to be shy.

3. Can I ask you something?: Practice having your kids ask questions of their friends. What will we be doing? Will your parents be there? Who else will be there? They might be embarrassed the first time, but it could help them avoid a situation they would be uncomfortable in.

4. I need help: No matter what your teen may have gotten into, they need to know that you will come get them no matter where or when it is. You need to also give them a list of several other adults who will rescue them also, with no questions asked.

5. Can you say "No!": Telling their friends "no" can be very difficult for your teen. Practice role playing where you are your teen's friend who is trying to get them to do something they shouldn't. Try everything a teen would like "Come on, everyone is doing it", "Don't be a baby", "Are you scared?". Teach your child how to respond to each of these situations

6. My mom would kill me!: If your teen doesn't want to look un-cool, have them make you the bad guy for not going some where. Most teens can identify with this and will give your teen a pass when this excuse is used.

7. What is a "real friend": Ask your teen why a good friend would ask them to do something that they were uncomfortable with. Your teen should examine the motives of that "friend". Maybe they really aren't a friend.

8. What is cool?: Ask your teen to make a list of 5 people from the real world that they think are cool. Chances are that they will choose someone from the music or entertainment industry (If the choose you, this is going to be easy). Find out from your teen what about this person is cool. Point out to your teen that these characteristics that your teen thinks are so cool weren't developed by doing what everyone else is doing. Being cool is about doing what you want to do, not following the crowd.

9. Wow, I rock!: Just before my first child was born, I read a quote that said "Nothing your child does today can be worth damaging his sense of self worth". Wow! What a powerful statement. Tell your kids how much you love them, how much you respect them, and how proud you are of them. Try this exercise. Have a neighbor over when your teen is around. Make sure your teen is in earshot and tell your neighbor how great your teen is. Make sure your teen "overhears" you. Make sure your teen gets their sense of self worth from you, not their friends.

10. Make plenty of family time: At the end of the day, the best defense against peer pressure that you can give your teen is a strong family bond. When it is all said and done, your teen will lean on you for support if they know they can count on you.

One final thought. Both you and your teen are going to make mistakes. Rather than getting angry, talk through what happened and go over together again. You will be glad you did.

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10 Step To Helping Your Teen Deal With Peer Pressure

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